just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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