my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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