how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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