She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
