I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
