Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
