What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
