You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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