Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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