When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize