I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
