Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
