Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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