hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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