Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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