Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
