she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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