I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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