Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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