I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
