I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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