So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
