I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
