Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
