new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
