Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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