you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
