Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
