***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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