the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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