I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
