First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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