Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
