yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
