I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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