at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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