Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
