is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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