i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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