As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
