And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
