I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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