That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's official drugs can't kill me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
