New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
