i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
