You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
