If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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