He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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