if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
