Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
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Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize