omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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