the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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