Someone shit on the floor
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
