i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
