it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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