Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
