what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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