I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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