Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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