finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
