Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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