you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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