Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
