I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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