can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
