there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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