u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
