ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
When are your genitals available?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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