New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
