I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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