I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
