If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
