Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
