I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
